Satsang from silence retreat Sept. 2018
This comment was given after students broke their silence.
Berdhanya: It’s ok to speak. Turn your impulse to speak into an awareness. Who is speaking? Who wants to speak? Why does it need to speak?
Some of you have enough experience in silence to start recognizing that part of you that rebels in receiving the emptiness, the peace. It’s the part that wants to organize, to know, to have attention, to control, to make things your way, to interact. All of you have broken the silence, that I know. Let’s turn that into a reflection to see who is still stealing my will, who is stealing the moment of depth and silence.
On the other hand, make a contemplation on the quality of the part of you that has maintained the silence. See the difference from last time you were in silence. What has opened for you? In every inch of silence that you conquer, there’s an awareness. In that awareness, there’s a realization.
Why is that? Because you have opened a little bit of silence, and that silence is where pure awareness can grow. If you’re still jumping around all the time, this awareness cannot happen. This is the whole exercise of silence.
Of course, silence is representative of anti-matter. It has no end. I am still learning.
Just this morning, after our practice, I went to have a nap. I was sleeping and Matthew was downstairs doing his things. In that sleep, there was silence. I started dreaming about a movie I recently saw called Chocolat. In the movie, a woman had to grind chocolate in a stone mill. In my thoughts or dreams came a memory of a stone mill that we saw in Shawville. The person selling it didn’t know what the stones were for, and we realized it was a mill.
We saw a similar stone mill when we stayed in Peru, when Maria used one to grind the quinoa to make us pancakes. And in my dreams, the image that came was all about the mill. I sensed it was close to nine, and time for me to wake up. I came downstairs and there was Matthew sitting in the chair with a big smile. He said, “I succeeded to grind the coffee!” We had lost electricity, and he had ground the coffee with two stones…!
Follow the example, the emptiness is not alert to receive anything. However, even in sleep, it’s still picking up and receiving, perceiving and sensing. It’s still aware. And that’s not all!
In my dream, I was thinking that the best way to get water from the lake was to use my car to get it. Somehow, when I dreamt, I sent a message to Matthew to do that, and he went to the lake with my car and carried up all the water. It was directing and sending a message of support. This example is about how silence can command and feel. You have much more control.
We see this in retreat when I wish for something and you guys listen. Immediately, it happens. So don’t be happy with the same silence that you knew from the last retreat. There’s more silence, quality, depth, flavour, attribute. When you’re sleeping, walking, meditating, learn about your silence. It looks the same, but it’s not. It’s alive. It’s a force.
In a way, silence is like the weather of the source. The silence means the weather, but it has all kinds of colours, depths and teachings.
Remove yourself from the religious thing: “Oh, I didn’t keep my silence!” No. Don’t torture or judge yourself. Use it as a tool to teach you. Profound teachings can come from it.
The one that speaks, and the one that’s in silence. The ones that speak want salvation, some kind of “get me out of here,” some kind of resistance, some kind of game. It has some kind of maliciousness, destructiveness. You see another in silence and it asks, “What time is it?” For no purpose whatsoever! You are invading the other: Be with me. I’m not alone. We’re all speaking! That’s the nature of tamas, the ego. The tamas of the ego is not only happy to be unhappy, but it wants to bring other people into their unhappiness.
We learn much in the Indian Visa Office. Sometimes, there are officers there that are so eager and happy to find the errors that you have made in your application. They get so excited about it. They feel empowered. They do their job causing misery. Let’s reflect on that. Who is speaking and what is the quality of silence? What is my silence about?
Chose an instant you have broken your silence. Do you have it in your head? It is clear or fuzzy? Who is speaking? Don’t measure it by what you said, but the content, the impulse, the intention.
Meditation on The Broken Silence
Locate a moment when you have broken your silence. Determine who is speaking, their impulse and intention. With that localization, close your eyes and have your little smile. Make sure you’re not entering contemplation with any judgement or uneasiness..
Apologize to the one you have somehow impacted when you broke your silence. Go back to yourself and observe the intention. See yourself beyond the actual act. Sit with that part. Sit innocently until the dream comes and you can see it as a form, colour, or entity. Root it in your chakras, using energy from any of your chakras. Observe that weed. Maintain your smile. Wait until the dream comes completely. Have patience. Realize that that part is surrounded by silence. A great magnetic force, a great magnetism.
Observe that naturally, you imagine something. You are witnessing. You are smiling. Let that go. Come back to silence.
Top of the Head: Focus on top of the head and tune in with the lotus of a thousand petals at the top of your head, even if it’s just for a second. Relax the body and allow that silence to permeate the whole body which is a quadrant of the universe.
Third Eye: Focus on the third eye, on the icon of the God’s eye. Taste the silence coming from this place. As you relax your body allow that silence to permeate all cells of your body. The eye is like a laser eye.
Throat Centre: Focus on your throat center. The icon is the parrot. Untap the silence of this chakra. Relax the body and permeate that silence over your whole body.
Heart Centre: Focus on your heart and on the icon of the deer. Recognize the type of silence that this center emanates. Permeate the silence of the heart all over the cells of your body.
Navel Centre: Focus on your navel, with the icon of a tiger. Tap into the type of silence that this center offers you. Deposit that silence all over the cells of your body.
Second Chakra: Focus on your second chakra, with the icon of a crocodile. Recognize the silence that this center offers you. Allow the silence from that center to permeate all the cells of your body.
Root Chakra: Focus on your first chakra with the icon of a Galapagos turtle. Recognize the quality of silence that comes from that place. Allow that silence to permeate all over your body.
Central Channel: Invite the combination of all these seven silences into the central channel. The icon is the dragon. Tap into the silence of the dragon. Allow all the cells of your body to receive that silence, that quality.
Meditate for a few moments.
Take a deep breath. Exhale. Lay down and relax completely.