(Satsang, January 9, 2018)
Berdhanya: Chaos is an opportunity and its counterpart is joy. When joy is not expressed, when it is being repressed or manipulated, you become chaotic.
A little bit of chaos is good. That’s why I never keep you as eternal monks. You need to be with some kind of new possibilities, because in a way, life has the quality of chaos. A chaos that implies order.
It is chaos (the cosmic dance) that promotes change. It is chaos that demonstrates a certain natural joy. It’s part of creation. But often, you don’t understand the language of what that agitation is trying to tell you. You transform that call of change into either a subtle addiction to always be in drama or in a mode of destruction. You make the call of the divine order into a state of change, where you’re never settled or satisfied. It’s important to learn how to be settled within the chaos and how to be joyful in the movement.
Chaos is often defined by the mind through its action of always wanting things to be a certain way, to always be in bliss. The mind has an idea of being, but life has a different agenda. When these two don’t meet, that is chaos.
It’s a different kind of chaos when you know what life is requesting of you. Life is very agile: as the first thing when you open your eyes in the morning, it will give you instructions on what the day is about. Immediately! To know everything, you have to obey. It is not a feeling. It is not even a knowing; it’s a program. You are programmed for that day to do certain things.
You have to be ready to respond. The day has arrived for that specific thing, because it has been programmed by the stars and your own willingness. Then, you are informed of that highest possibility of respond-ability.
If you obey and have no mind, it’s smooth. If you obey but you have a mind, you have questions and you try to accommodate, you start experiencing chaos. You’re sabotaging the program.
Student: The bad chaos?
Berdhanya: Yes. That’s the bad chaos, the real chaos. It’s precisely the illness of the mind, precisely what we want to get free from. We need to observe, “What is my relationship with this opposition? Is it because I want to have my little rebel tantrum there? Is it because I just don’t want to take responsibility and I keep relating to the addiction of opposing something? Reflect on what is your game and let it go. See it as an ego thing.
Really, if you’re with me and you’re doing exactly what I say, you are not going to be in the bad chaos. If the bad chaos arises, it’s because you’re disobeying, because you want to implement something different. The teachings are very precise to the divine program, precise to your capabilities, precise to what you give me. The bad chaos should not be there.
The good chaos? I will promote it! It’s needed. It’s part of you making transitions into a pure state where you have no more subtle ignorance. Right now, all of you are in a state of subtle ignorance. It is ignorance that is sattvic, but it still needs a subtle fire, a subtle guidance, a movement that may appear to be chaotic to your sattvic definition of the spirit. It is your avidya (spiritual ignorance), the sattvic avidya, the sattvic ignorance. It seems light, stable, but it’s still ignorance and it needs stimulation.
Be okay with being chaotic. The test of the seeker is how you contain your own change. This is my endless mantra:
“Don’t intervene. Leave yourself alone. Relax. Let it pass. Don’t identify. Don’t be scared of the change. You won’t be destroyed by the change. You are not bad if you change. Your suffering doesn’t mean you are bad.”
You go to the dentist to do all these painful things to have better teeth, right?
The seeker must learn to contain their own changes. Recognize the purity of this change is defining a profound transfiguration. You are not anymore what you were and there is no going back to what you were.
There’s no going back and forth on the same change. It’s not like, “Oh, I changed my suffering or my anxiety, and then it came back!” If that happens, you have not really changed anything. There is no real change, it’s just a pause.
“I need to suffer. I need to do this. I need to do that.”
If you’re still in that same trance, it’s not real change. In real change, you don’t even notice! You just wake up one day and you’re totally at peace. You don’t even know how you arrived there. Have you had that experience? [laughter]
Right? You don’t know how you got there. Your mind does not interfere at all. It has not planned it, it just sees, “Oh, I’m different, but I’m the same. I have less of a gap between what I really am and how I am experiencing myself.” You are suddenly closer to something that has always existed.
This alignment slowly starts happening until you’re permanently in that state. Slowly, you start matching your true nature, which is both chaos and order. Chaos and order, the feminine principle and the masculine principle, movement and stillness, down and up. You need to handle both. DIvine chaos is the feminine nature of yourself.
The Three Aspects of Yourself In Chaos
In chaos, you have three aspects of yourself: speed (or quality), conscious or subconscious, and internal or external chaos.
In the aspect of speed, chaos will come slow or fast. Some chaos is like a cyclone, very fast, and it consumes you and it makes you spin. The chaos can have a guna, like tamas or rajas. Most of the time, it happens in relationship to your dosha. If vata increases, speed increases.
Chaos also has the aspect of being conscious or subconscious. You’re either aware that you’re in chaos or you’re unaware. In awareness, it may come in the form of anxiety or depression, where you somehow know that you’re in a certain chaos and discomfort.
In the subconscious, chaos appears more in dreams, in coincidences and in unexpected events. At the level of the subconscious, you don’t know that you’re in chaos. You don’t know how much you’re suffering.
This is one of the reasons why people don’t receive the teachings, because they don’t know how much they’re suffering. They do not see the depth and scope of their slavery. They are unconscious of their slavery. “Why should I do anything about this?” They suck on their little soothers and watch their television. The chaos is not acknowledged, and it goes under the waters. When they hit their transition ages, their 40s or 50s –Poof! It’s like a volcano erupts!
Someone once told me: “All my life, I was fine until I turned 30. Then, I stopped being able to sleep, my husband became a monster and I got sick!” This came as a result of all the subtle chaos going on underneath. She suppressed the chaos by overworking, over-performing, doing and doing, but was unsatisfied. Conscious suppression and subconscious chaos.
Then, there is internal or external chaos. You can have chaos outside of you, but internally you’re alright. I can be living with my messy boxes but I am okay with it. The external chaos doesn’t touch me, because there is one centre that can hold it. You’re solid enough.
Internal chaos is based on the personal identification with things that are not you: your roles, your abilities, your possessions. This is chaotic and unsettling.
You cannot escape divine chaos. Being born is a kind of chaos. Taking form is a kind of chaos. If you had a glimpse of what goes on every time life decides to create a form, you would see! It’s a great orchestra of elements and probabilities and divine communities, rays, and everything. It’s like a matrix going on. It’s adjustments and order where all in three dimensions are at play.
The same thing occurs when you dissolve a form. When you die, the whole structure reshapes itself and all the different bodies adjust themselves perfectly. It’s a chaotic movement and nobody knows where it’s going to land. The seeker must relax about that. Things are already programmed, they are already defined. Don’t bother about that: it’s already in place.
We want to be lucid and clear. Where you are now, if you want to be chaotic, it’s because you have an addiction or you go out of your responsibility. Just stay in the current of the river. It’s very precise. The rest is a joy! You are living your life as a joy, a game, inspired.
Choose to bathe yourself in the current and it will take you effortlessly. You will end up where you begin, at that place of no beginnings. It’s so simple. Let us carry you.
This month, it’s about the reassurance of the heart. The heart loves you and it’s cozy inside. It’s a heart that you have never met before and it needs to be reassured in various matrices and at various depths of the marmas. It’s like the third eye, which has seven dhatus inside. The reassurement has to be a pressing thing, like a massage. You are descending more and more from the head to the heart, and you are being reassured and restructured.
Berdhanya: What is the other part of this discussion?
Student: The theme is relaxing into chaos.
Berdhanya: After all these years, are you catching what I meant by relax? That is the foundation of my teachings. Whatever it is that you think it is, it is either incomplete or false. Imagine that! Think of all the different meanings that you have given to the word “relax.”, and what you know now about relaxing!
In the new practice, there are sixty-one relaxation points and I say, “Concentrate on this point, and relax it.” I repeat it sixty-one times, at least!
Transfiguration cannot be done if you do not have your heart and if you are not relaxed. It won’t go otherwise.
True Relaxation Happens When You Jump.
In the synchronicity of my life, I was uploading a video yesterday, and the website was highlighting a video of a German social experiment which showed people facing a jump off a 10 meter high diving board. The purpose of the video was to show how humans face challenges. Have you seen it? It’s a good one.
The clip showed all these different people of different ages, and the different ways that they cope with jumping off the diving board. Some are in couples or with friends. Some come back after jumping and tell their friend that it wasn’t too bad. Before they jump, you can hear what they say about how hard it is.
This is just to say that true relaxation only happens when you jump. Before you jump, it’s always threatening. If you have jumped once, you relax. If you jump again, you relax more until eventually, you lose all fear of jumping.
In this case, all the fear is of being in your heart. You have to pass through all the layers, the karmic heart, the little heart, the child, the hurt one and so on until you reach the intimate and private cave of the heart: your personal heart.
You have jumped from the little heart and the karmic heart. You have jumped from those and somehow you’re okay. You know how to do this. You have exercised the consecration body in so many layers. This heart gives you pleasure, coziness, independence. It gives to you, and you are not used to receiving. You hide yourself in giving. If you give, you will not be able to receive. If the flow goes only into giving, it cannot go in receiving.
We Age Because We Cannot Receive
This is why we age. We age because we cannot receive. When old age comes, you have to receive. You have to be vulnerable. If we are able to receive at the level of the heart, at the level of transfiguration, we won’t age in the same way. We won’t age fearing dependency or helplessness. We will experience the decay more like a celebration of our life. It is complete. I can go any moment. I am complete.
I have often heard people say, “I am not afraid of dying, I am just afraid of the process of dying. I am afraid of the pain and the helplessness.” Basically, it’s being scared of receiving. You will need somebody to help you. You will need to cooperate. Part of the chaos of life is to humble you at that level. You must receive, and you must receive creation in its full splendor and infinity.
When you don’t receive, you don’t want to receive. That heart is the receiver. You need this heart to receive the coziness, the codes, and the network to become something else.
Realize that your ultimate resistance to receiving is about belonging to the great force that loves you as you are and where you are. Once we relax about the fact that the source is loving and that you are worthy of its love, alchemy is recovered and your life becomes a shelter of peace.
You realize that your inner judgments and your false sense of self-worth were simply excluding you from what you have belonged to all along.
Keep the mantra: relax. This is your career.
Student: Without being attached, right?
Berdhanya: Attach to that mantra, that’s okay. If the force of attachment has been given to you, you cannot get rid of it. All you can do is direct the force of attachment to the highest principle you have, which is your divinity, your nature, your willingness to see what you are. You cannot get rid of the attaching force or the ego. Nothing will be lost, nothing is added, nothing is taken away, nothing is given.
It’s good that I am contradicting myself. It’s paradoxical. I’m asking you to receive and I’m saying that nothing is given. You have everything. It’s the circulation or how the marmas get together.
Comment on Marmas
Student: Do the marmas help each other to be enlightened?
Berdhanya: Yes. The marmas are one unit or different stations of the same matrix. They are not isolated from each other. Marmas are one single structure, a web that has points of union. That union is void, and paradoxically, in those points, it’s a union of various aspects of you.
At the physical level, there are marmas at the centre of the palm, where there is a union of ligaments, muscles, veins, and various tissues. At the same time, it’s void. Every single marma point forms a network, a web, a unit. My invitation is that you relate only to that. Let the physical body disappear and be only that matrix. We are illuminating the marmas one by one so we don’t overwhelm the system.
Collaborating Versus Receiving
Student: Can you elaborate on the connection between receiving and collaborating?
Berdhanya: Collaborating is: “I am with you. Let’s do it together. I am on the same project. I am with your energy at the same time.” We are co-creating something, cooperating, exchanging energy. Receiving is: “I am still and I am reflecting you in your totality. I am becoming what you are offering me.”
Student: Do I understand correctly that the collaboration is with the giver and that receiving is…
Berdhanya: It has nothing to do with that. Cooperation can be giving and receiving at the same time. It’s two forces getting together to give a third manifestation. Reflecting is a complete state of stillness where I am reflecting you, I am becoming you, I am receiving you in your totality. I stop being me and I am you. I am knowing you. I am receiving you. I am contacting you. I am interested in you. In this act, I am loving you. This is the nature of the heart that I’m talking about it. It reflects the coziness of essence. It transmigrates you, so that essence can communicate more easily with you.
It’s the moon that’s granting us the opportunity for us to do this, and is arranging various marriages for this purpose. We are going to have two weddings in Cuba! I am not kidding. It’s fun, eh?
By receiving in this way, I am satisfying you by acknowledging who you are. You have been seen. You have been received. You are alive, healed. This is what the heart does. Don’t confuse receiving with cooperation. This heart is not interested in collaboration.
Collaboration is in the karmic heart, where two souls get together and say, “Okay, you will be my mother and I will do this thing. Yes, let’s get over that together.” You’re arranging contracts and collaborating to produce some kind of action and karma. This heart is not interested in that. It’s love.
It’s hard to describe without the experience. Like, at the end of the last silent retreat, did you feel the love? We felt cozy. You feel moved by your own love, by the quiet presence of the source.
Student: It’s not the one which feels moved?
Berdhanya: No. It’s deeper. This is the personal heart. Nobody can penetrate it. Nobody can see it, it’s so intimate. It’s personal to you. I am suggesting to have that checked with the oracle.
We don’t realize that most of our chaos is because we don’t have this heart. We don’t feel acknowledged or received. This can be in personal relationships or in relationship to the divine. It can have many different manifestations.
You know, I am doing my travel agenda for the year to come, and I already need to feel, envision, acknowledge and confirm that I am received in the places that I’m travelling to. I’m looking for hearts that are ready to receive. You can project that in your thirteen moons. Once I know that I’m already completely received, I can relax.
It’s the same tension that we experience in relationships: “Is the other seeing me? Loving me?” Once that’s done, there’s a relaxation. Otherwise, there is a continuous dissatisfaction, a continuous incertitude, a continuous carefulness. Once the other sees that heart and you know the other sees it, you feel received, you feel acknowledged. It can be for good or bad, but there’s a relaxation.
Think about it. When a relationship is not successful, it’s because the other has not acknowledged you totally and fully, so you don’t feel totally relaxed. It’s the same in relationship to ourselves. When we relate to that heart, we feel loved, we feel contained.
For now, please don’t be happy with the definition of heart that you have understood so far. I am pushing you to another level. I am pushing you to the transmigration level and that level has a different heart. We are cultivating it. We are giving it pieces.
Student: Does the sensation of having been seen or loved have anything to do with me? Does it come from the other person who looks at me?
Berdhanya: It’s both. That’s why the oracle completes the function of being seen.
I can say that I love you, and another person can say the same thing, but mean something entirely different.
“Yes, I get you, I see you, I acknowledge you, I know what you need, I am dedicated to you, I am fascinated by you, I cannot take my eyes off you.”
It’s the innocence of this heart. And it’s not what you think it is.
Student: Does it take the opening of both hearts? Do both need to be open to see?
Berdhanya: No. I see you, but you don’t see me. I see your heart, but you don’t see me.
Student: Me, personally?
Berdhanya: Yes, you. Both don’t have to see. If both see it, when both are vibrating at that level, marriage occurs. It’s not an effort, it’s a being. You arrive at the same point.
You cannot see me. There are too many veils. You imagine that you see me, but you don’t. If you see me, you are instantly where I am.
You cannot see me, sweetheart. Simply, there is nobody there. It’s empty. It’s hollow and empty. There’s nobody there. You cannot see me. If you see me, you see you.
Student: I can admire where you are as an example.
Berdhanya. Yes. You can admire. You can like it. You can pursue it, but you can’t see me. You don’t need two persons. It only requires one. If both do it, a marriage occurs instantaneously and permanently at the level of the heart. There are various levels of marriage.
The marriage that this couple [pointing to a married couple] had thirty years ago was at some level, but that level doesn’t exist any more. Now, they will go to Cuba for a different level of marriage. That’s the beauty of it.
Student: I see you are an inspiration. I see your essence. I see what you are.
Berdhanya: No. If you see it, you see you.
Student: I see the potential. Yes.
Berdhanya: I am not a potential. I am it.
Student: I know!
Berdhanya: Do you see what I mean? Don’t even try to see me. Forget it. That’s not the point. It’s not the direction. How can you see something that doesn’t exist?
Student: You are a beacon. We are going for it…!
Berdhanya: You are going for you, honey. I am not in front of you. I am inside of you. I am not leading in front. You are not following me. Don’t do that. I am in you. I am around you. I am not in front. If anything, I am behind you, pushing you, informing you. That’s all I do. I inform you of the aspects that you don’t see, because you are busy in your own development.
I say, “Focus on this, because this is the best shot. Now, that.” I’m like a journalist. I bring news: the bad news and the good news.
Wanting to be Read
Student: When we drop our bodies and become the matrix, are we then being read by others?
Berdhanya: You cannot be read by the divine intelligence if you are not enlightened. If you are in the dark, the divine cannot count on you.
Once something gets into the semi-light, the divine notices that something exists there and then you count. What you wish for is granted and you become part of the greater order. If you’re in the dark, you cannot be seen.
Understand this point: the effort to complete your own enlightenment is the effort to be seen by the divine intelligence. Otherwise, you are just a dim light that’s hard to read, hard to find.
If you are in darkness, you don’t count. You are less than an animal. You don’t have consciousness, you are not self-aware. It’s bad news. I also bring bad news. If you are not self-aware, you don’t count. Your voice is not heard. Your prayers are not heard.