The Laws of Human Love
We are born out of love; we live and grow because of love. We seek love and we long for love. For us, love is always an incomplete phenomenon. We need to understand this principle of incompleteness to feel peace and to stop thinking about attaining the unattainable.
Living on the human plane gives us a few rules and laws to conform to and live by. There are 3 laws to be aware of: the law of change, the law of opposites, and the law of complement.
Each day is different from the last. Each day is followed by night, and day and night complement a cycle or activity and relaxation. We experience love in the same way: we are attracted to an opposite force that complements us and that union is in constant change and amalgamation.
The Painful Awakening of Love
We take the laws of the Earth lightly or in ignorance, and we have a very unrealistic expectation about the union of love.
We base our emotions on external influences without questioning the facts of the situations. We adopt a romantic view from Disney movies or immature fantasies about loving, accepting, melting, surrendering, trusting, and being at the service of the beloved. We want to meet a complementing force without accepting the polarity, the differences, and the oppositions.
As women, we want a man who is sensitive, emotional, nurturing, mature, and able to follow our complexity and emotional undulations, able to understand us and to be with us in full awareness and depth. We look to parents, teachers, and mates to fulfill all these aspects of ourselves; and we get frustrated, hurt, manipulative, and angry if our pride is not fulfilled, and if our control does not achieve the results we want.
Understanding Our Opposite
In working with women and couples, I have found that most of the problems in relationships lie in the fact that the parties do not know the basic psyche of their counterpart. When combined with unrealistic expectations, this creates resentment, anger, disappointment, and a sense of isolation and loneliness.
Women have unrealistic expectations about men: how they should love women, their capacity to love, and the actual way they do love. Women want men to love them like another woman would, in an emotional way with feminine qualities. However, men are designed to love and support women in a rational, linear way. Men, on the other hand, want women to love them in a stable, consistent way.
We are truly the sun and the moon, with expectations that the opposite is like us. No man is able to match our romantic ideas or has the capacity to fulfill the list of requirements we place on him.
Women Need and Resist Stability
On the other hand, in the depths of the woman’s psyche, there are 3 dynamics happening.
Women are questioning:
- if this man is able to stay with her forever;
- if this man is a good father for her children;
- if this man is able to provide financial support for her and her children.
Women are interested in stability: emotional stability, financial stability, and commitment.
Even if we resist it at times, we also appreciate when men put our emotional fluctuations in perspective, when they don’t go downhill with us.
Man is designed to be stable and to verbalize that. Women often take this as a rejection and feel hurt, resentful, and deviate from the appreciation that this is actually complementary energy, a pedestal for her to be contained, and to gain perspective. In these moments, women need to learn either to reach out to other women or to take time for themselves to come back to their centre.
What Men Want from Us
Our pride, stubbornness, attachment to control, and desire to get the unattainable blind us from seeing what the real facts are about loving a man, what they are really looking for in us, what they need, and how we can supply them with their basic needs.
The man looks mainly for 3 things from a woman:
- To be represented socially
We need to reflect deeply on what exactly these elements are and on our capacities to deliver them.
When we think about nourishment, we have the tendency to go into concreteness. Food is, of course, the primal aspect but a good cup of tea at the proper time can do miracles in any relationship.
We also need to consider the way our grace, our speech, our home, and our sexuality form a sustainable package to support non-overextending nourishment for them and for us.
We also need to be aware of our inner and outer beauty. We are born with the divine attributes of joy, love, peace, compassion, understanding, kindness, and the capacity to realize that we are these attributes. Our simplicity and presence are the beauty that will attract the man with the honour and values that will sustain our spiritual development.
Do not trade your values for a cheap image sold by television. Present the values that you wish to have complemented and have the courage to connect with your relationships in that frame of mind.
The Big Man and the Small Man
To make proper contact with the man, we need to understand and determine the moments where he often takes 2 different positions: the small man and the big man.
There is one position where he is insecure, sensitive, and disoriented. He will come to you looking for those sweet words of appreciation, encouragement, and guidance.
These are the moments where demands, inner reflections, and sharing our own emotions are not going to be heard and will leave them feeling overwhelmed.
This can be very disappointing for us. We don’t want to see that fragility or take the time to take care of it. We see that inner softness as the impotence of the man and as a total discouragement.
For men, exposing this part of themselves is touchy and, in most cases, is accompanied by a sense of shame and embarrassment.
Man expresses that part of himself not very humbly, making the process of contact difficult. Understand that the small man is insecure, childish, irrational, stubborn, and proud. With this, you can access your own capacities and compassion to deal with the situation. You surely need to be open, creative, patient, supportive, and light.
On the other hand, we need to be aware of “the big man”. The big man is the potent man, the one who believes he can conquer the world and bring it to you. The big man is King Kong and only your kindness, beauty, and love can conquer him.
If you stand in competition, in opposition, or in defensiveness, you will create a handicapped man, a resentful man, an impotent man, and a miserable relationship.
Wake Up With Self-Worth
Knowing the facts about love, your capacities and man’s ways of relating is an opportunity for you to grow in the reality of the man-woman ways of communicating, sharing, and connecting.
All that is requested from you is to respond to the challenges in a real way and to create within you self-worth that is solid, uncorrupted, and non-negotiable. This is the base of your success, your wealth, and your happiness.
An Excerpt from Lost Secrets of the Feminine: Fecund Insights to Activate the Life Force. Berdhanya Swami Tierra. Published by Eagle Feather Books, 2019.